Self Soothing For Adult Trauma Survivors

Survivors of trauma often experience exhausting and distressing aftereffects, such as nightmares, flashbacks, and mood changes. A DBT skill that can help calm our nervous system when we experience distress is Self-Soothing, and here's a way that it can be practiced:

Imagine you are in the presence of a baby that you love and care for. The baby becomes distressed. He's crying. His face is turning red. He's all tense, scrunched up, and pouting.  What is your first instinct as to how to soothe this baby? Your answer may hold the key to helping yourself the next time you feel distressed.

Although the concept may seem initially strange, you can give yourself the same kind of self-soothing the next time you're in an emotionally charged state, and it can help!

I actually use this technique. When I imagined the baby scenario, for me, I'd hold the baby in my arms and reassure him that he was okay -- that he was safe. I'd rub his back and softly sing to him.

When I am really distressed, I swaddle up in a soft blanket and reassure myself that I am not in any present danger. I may gently rock or hold myself until I begin to feel calmer.

This is a technique to consider the next time you are feeling dysregulated.

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You may also enjoy reading:

Self Soothing As An Adult
Autogenics for the Ultimate Self-Soothing & Relaxation
Taking Care of YOU: Why and How To Soothe Your Nervous System
Make Your Own DBT Self-Soothing Kit

DBT: Self Soothing with a Bedtime Story (at any age!)

Last night after having an anxiety attack and feeling lonely, I thought back to when I was very little and my mother would read me stories until I fell asleep. I got to know the stories so well that I would catch her when she was tired and tried to skip a page. Just thinking about this positive memory was soothing.

Years later, I ended up in foster homes and then group homes. One of my best memories in the all girls group home was when one of our house mothers would read me bedtime stories. So what if I was fifteen? I felt so much comfort and felt so soothed. Before I moved to another group home, she made a recording of her reading Peter Pan, and I cherished it and listened to it whenever I needed to soothe -- long before I knew anything about DBT.

No matter your age, if you think you would be comforted by someone reading you a bedtime story, I have good news. Last night I did a google search and came up with several websites that offer free recordings.

If your device doesn't do flash (like my iPad), check out this site:

StoryNory


If you have flash, here are a few other options:
Free Children's Books Online (audio)


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More soon.

DBT: Distracting and Self-Soothing in a Modern World Using Youtube

I had a lovely young lady in her twenties comment on one of my recent posts, asking if there were any "modern" ways to distract and self-soothe (this was in response to my post suggesting making a cup of tea).  While I believe that making and enjoying tea will never go out of style and is a good practice and enjoyment at any age, I understood her question.

We live in an age where, if you have internet access, so many resources are available to help create a healthy distraction or self-soothe us.

A healthy distraction, in DBT terms, is something we choose to engage our mind in entirely, in order to take a much needed break from something that is distressing us -- a problem for which there is nothing more we can do in the present moment. We give ourselves a deserved and needed respite from suffering over the issue.

Self-soothing is when we engage in an activity that soothes us through our senses. Cuddling up with a soft blanket, listening to soft music, and looking at pictures of beautiful art are all examples. If the activity calms you and your nervous system and you feel soothed, you are self-soothing.

One modern way I've found to both distract and self-soothe is to watch tutorial type videos on YouTube -- particularly makeup and baking/cooking videos.  Even if I have absolutely no intention of following through on recreating the makeup look or food that is demonstrated in the video, it can be a great distraction to follow along as the person gives instructions, step by step, and I get to watch something be created from beginning to end. (I must confess, I am often inspired in some way by the videos I watch -- especially the makeup ones, and I end up creating something at some point that is related to what I saw. No harm there!)


Here are some examples of some videos you can watch to distract, organized by subject matters you may be interested in.

Check them out, and see if any of them help you distract or self-soothe. You may end up with a new tool in your self-care toolbox!


Baking

 


Cooking





Makeup




Art 





When I watch videos like this, I may check off the following skills on my DBT Diary  Card:

• Effectiveness (doing what works)
• Distract
• Self-soothe
• Improve the Moment

What do you think of using YouTube videos to distract and self-soothe? What other "modern" ways do you practice these skills?

Thanks for reading.
More Soon.