DBT: What NOT to Do When Having a Mood Swing

We all experience mood swings from time to time, but for those of us with emotion regulation issues, they can make us feel incredibly dysregulated.  When we feel this way, there is often a tendency to want to resist (deny/ignore/fight) the change in mood, which is what NOT to do when having a mood swing. Many of us have found that responding in this way is ineffective.

However, a skill that can be very effective is mindfully applying opposite action, which is an option to work on shifting an unwanted mood or emotion. You're not denying, ignoring, or fighting the skill -- you are consciously noticing it, accepting it, and then working to shift it.

Here are the steps.

First, we accept that the emotion or mood is here for now:
This mood is uncomfortable, but it will pass -- all moods are transient. I will feel better soon.

Second, we ask impulse/behavior the unwanted mood prompts:
For example, for me, last night loneliness led to feelings of deep sadness.  Sadness usually causes us to want to withdraw and wallow.

Determine the opposite action - something that will induce the opposite feeling:
My mood swing came on near midnight, so going out and being around others wasn't a real option, but I took to Twitter and connected there. I also began watching a movie that I believed would elicit positive feelings. I have about 20 minutes left of the film, but I believe I can recommend it at this point.  If you're feeling down and need a boost in your faith in humanity, I recommend watching Craigslist Joe.  It really did help improve my mood. I felt less sad after watching it.

You can watch the trailer here:





You can click here to watch the entire movie at Amazon.


What uncomfortable mood are you experiencing. If you go through the three steps above, what solutions do you come up with to help you shift effectively and mindfully?


Thanks for reading.
More Soon.




You may also enjoy reading:

How to Change Your Emotions [If You Want To] - Opposite Action

DBT: Build Your Self-Esteem Through Building Mastery

Have you started and stopped so many interests and hobbies over the years that you can no longer keep track?  When we walk away from things repeatedly due to lack of interest or because we get anxious when things begin to get challenging, this can contribute to a feeling of failure.

While it's natural to eventually give up interests when they are no longer interesting, if we can push ourselves when interests simply become challenging, we can achieve a sense of gratification by practicing a DBT skill called "Build Mastery."

This skill involves engaging in activities that make us feel competent and effective so that we don't feed into feeling helpless and hopeless. We transform our situation from feeling like a victim to feeling victorious.

I'll give you an example. Over the years, I've really wanted to learn Spanish. I tried a variety of methods, including CDs and a class at a community college. Whenever it got "too hard" I'd get anxious and emotionally dysregulated, and instead of sticking with it anyway, it became "all or nothing" for me. I'd just quit and come up with lots of different reasons to justify my decision so I wouldn't feel badly. The thing is, I did feel badly that I didn't follow through.

Recently I started the Rosetta Stone online program, and I've been sticking with it! There are some days when I feel so lost on the lessons. I might engage with a coach or another learner and feel quite inferior when I realize that I'm not as advanced as they are. I've been tempted many times to quit and have come up with reasons to justify it. But, despite this, I've continued on with my studies.

I may have taken a break for a day, but then I've gotten right back on it. The emotional payoff of following through, not giving up, and building mastery, has re-affimed for me that:

•  We can still follow through even when we "don't feel like it," and doing so will feel great!
•  Choosing to practice the Build Mastery skill allows us to enjoy a sense of accomplishment.

You can practice this skill today by picking an activity to accomplish. It should be something that is challenging but still possible. Go into it with the attitude that you will follow through and succeed.  Try not to set the bar too high, but if you find you have, try doing something not quite as challenging to start, and each time you practice, allow yourself to do increasingly difficult tasks.

Building Mastery falls under the Emotion Regulation skill set in DBT.  Can you see how practicing this skill could help you to regulate your emotions? What can you do to Build Mastery today?

Thanks for reading.

More Soon.

DBT: Emergency Skills for an Emotional Crisis

There are times when things get so overwhelming that we have to stop in our tracks and take care of ourselves -- and quickly.  This is a video I made this past summer about this topic.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with too many emotions and upsetting situations happening all at once?  Do you want to come up with a plan to prepare for the next time you might feel this way, so that you do not sabotage your life and the hard work you've been trying to do?

This video is for you.






I hope this was helpful to you and that you feel empowered to prepare yourself to cope.


Thanks for reading and watching.
More Soon.


You may also enjoy:

911 Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills for When Your Are Triggered
Stop Sabotaging: A 31-Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life

DBT Skill: Effectively Coping with Urges

Just about everyone struggles with urges from time to time, whether they be around staying away from substances like alcohol or drugs, self-harming, casual sex, or an endless number of things. You are not alone if you struggle with urges that feel overwhelming.

The great news about urges is that, no matter how strong they are, we still  have the power to choose  what action we will take.

If we are tempted to drink or do drugs but our sobriety is a major goal and value of ours, we can call a sober friend, a sponsor, or therapist to help talk us through the temptation so we can avoid following through on it.

If we feel like self-harming, we can again call someone we trust and who is supportive, or if that feels too vulnerable, we can do a DBT Distress Tolerance skill, such as holding an ice cube.

If we feel like having impulsive, casual sex for comfort and to ease loneliness, and we are aware enough to know that that's why we are about to do it, we can stop right there, get to a safe place where engaging in such behavior isn't possible, and distract with skills or soothe ourselves in a non-destructive way.

One of the most empowering moments in my recovery was something that might seem so obvious to people who don't suffer from emotion dysregulation issues: We have the power to choose how we will behave, what will do, and what we will not do -- no matter how strong an urge is.

Remember this the next time you're faced with an intense urge.  Notice how you feel when you choose to overcome the urge rather than give into it. Each time you do it, you build your strength for the next time it comes up. Eventually, the urge could lose most of its power. Imagine that.

Thanks for reading.

More Soon.

You might also be interested in these posts:

Controlling Impulses By Starting Small (DBT Ice Cube)

Stop Sabotaging: A 31-Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life

DBT: Opposite to Emotion Action (An Emotion Regulation Skill)

For many of us who are emotionally sensitive and who experience dysregulated emotions (and more so in response to "triggering," or upsetting events), there can be a tendency to believe that if others have suffered, we deserve to suffer with them and that it would be unhuman to go about our lives in a way that would allow us to have some pleasure or to feel good when others are having this experience.

I am not going to get into the details of a recent news story that has many people, whether they have mental illness or not, feeling very triggered/upset, but I am going to tell you this:

Believing and/or acting on the thought "I don't deserve to feel happy when this is going on" is not going to do you or anyone else any good.  Of course we feel badly for others who have suffered. Many of us are immensely empathetic and caring.

There does come a point, though, when getting caught up other peoples' tragedies can be detrimental to our own well-being.

I personally stopped listening to the news since Friday night. I caught a few seconds of it today and was upset just over the snippet of information that I heard. I know enough. There is absolutely nothing more that I could find out that would make me feel better about what has taken place or the fear/anxiety that the situation has created within me.

From fear and anxiety, my emotions seemed to stay at sadness.

When we are experiencing an emotion that we want to change, we practice a DBT skill called "Opposite to Emotion Action," during which we change our emotion by acting in a way opposite to the current uncomfortable emotion.

Here's an example.  If you're sitting in class and you begin to feel very anxious, the action impulse is probably to run and get out of the class. If you were to practice Opposite Action, you would stay seated and allow the impulse to pass. Soon thereafter, the anxiety attack would end, and you would have successfully stayed for the duration of your class.

In the above example, we have the following components:

Emotion: Fear
Action Impulse: To run away
Opposite to Emotion Action: Stay put and ride it out.

Here's an example of how I used Opposite to Emotion Action today to deal with the sadness I felt.  It's going to seem really silly, but I actually challenge you to try it if you are trying to cope with feelings of sadness, depression, or are feeling distraught today.

I turned on the oldies station on the radio, and this song came on. My first thought was "I can't possibly listen to/get into this song." Then I pushed myself. I moved a bit to it. (I was washing the dishes at the time, mind you.)  I then noticed I began to smile. It felt good to let myself feel good, and it helped melt away some of the sadness.

Give it a try.  I'd be very surprised if you don't at least have a half-smile afterward:






When you're done, here are some more posts on Opposite to Emotion Action if you'd like to read up further:


The Power of Opposite Action
Altering Your Mood With Music (DBT Opposite Action)
Songs to Boost Your Mood (Opposite Action and Self-Soothe)
The Impermanence of Emotions: Using Opposite Action for Intense Anxiety
How To Change Your Emotions [IF You Want To]
Living "As If" and Turning the Mind to Avoid an Emotional Crisis



Thanks for reading.
More Soon.

DBT Skills for Self-Respect and Building Mastery

Today I snapped at my mother when she called me.  I picked up the phone even though I was in the middle of working with numbers and while I was feeling quite emotionally distressed due to President Barack Obama's tearful press conference regarding a tragic incident that just happened in Connecticut.

I chose to work on some calculations I needed to make as a way to DISTRACT from the difficult emotions and feelings that were coming up with hearing the news on the radio. Initially, I cried and felt sad and devastated. I noticed that I needed to regulate my emotions, and this is where the Distract DBT skill came into play.

In the meantime, my phone rang. When I saw the display and noticed that it was my mother calling, I had a choice to take the call or to let it go to voice mail and call her back.  I took the call and ended up being short and a bit rude. When I realized this, I said, "Ma, can I call you back in a few minutes?" We hung up.

I took some deep breaths. I thought about my INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS skills, particularly Attending to Relationships, Building Mastery, and Self-Respect.  I took some deep, slow, calming breaths. I felt badly that I was mean to my mother.

I collected my thoughts and called her back.

I expressed that I was sorry for being short and rude.  I explained that I had been in the middle of some calculations and that I was emotionally upset about what I had heard on the news. (It turns out that my mother hadn't heard it yet. I shared it with her, and she understood how I could have been so upset.)

By clearing things up, apologizing, and explaining my actions, I was able to interact with my mother in a way that made me feel:

• competent
• respectful
• respectable, and
• effective

...which are all goals of building mastery and self-respect under theee DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness module.

DBT Skills I'll be checking off on my DBT Diary Card:

Wise Mind: I was able to identify that I was in Emotion Mind and began to think rationally about my emotional reactions. I identified the importance of clearing things up with my mother.

Effectiveness (focus on what works): I took a time-out and asked for one respectfully while on the phone with my mother. I then called her back after I had a few moments to calm down and get into Wise Mind.

Relationship Effectiveness (GIVE): When I called back, I used an easy manner and was very warm in my mannerisms.

Self-Respect (FAST): I was fair to myself, acknowledging my emotional response, and I was fair to my mother, acknowledging that she deserved to be treated with respect.

Build Mastery (from Emotion Regulation Module): I handled the situation in a way that made me feel competent and effective, and I did so promptly. Sometimes I do not respond right away with remedying a situation, and I then end up feeling guilt and shame. I avoided this by practicing dealing with the emotional situation promptly. The more we practice, the more we build mastery of using the skills.

Distract: I distracted by doing the calculations.

See how with just one experience throughout your entire day you can practice your DBT skills?

Did you work on a relationship today?  Did you take a step back after becoming emotional in order to calm down? Which DBT skills did you use?

Thanks for reading.

More Soon.